A meditation on resilience

So, what is happening with us when it appears on the outside as if there is less and less to us? Who we are disappears, and who we were is forgotten, rarely referred to. And, when who we were IS referred to, it’s usually a watered-down, slightly distorted version. The “you” that you used to be is fading fast, and you think that the only way to re-instate the colour and depth of you is to do what you did, say what you said, think what you thought, and carry on.

But, what if you cant do that, no matter how hard you try? Who are you then? Measuring yourself against past “you” is the path to misery. It makes you realise how much simpler life was when you only ever compared yourself to others. Now you see that. But what a twisted lesson. A lesson you would quite happily unlearn to just go back and wake up sooner.

So, what are you now? Well, you finally know that you aren’t always what others see in you, or indeed, choose to see in you. You are now at ground zero and trying to decide whether to rebuild what was there, maybe as an act of defiance or solidarity within yourself. Or, whether to dig down further, change the footprint and the substance of the foundation. Or build somewhere else altogether.

So, what have you now? Do you think that you have less than before? No. You may feel like you have lost time, and you have, there is no doubt about that. Without that lost time, you wouldn’t know now to stay present. To be protective of yourself without apology. To know that it’s time to start looking at things again. To have a different perspective and the self-awareness to ask yourself whether that perspective serves you.

What have you now? Is there now something that stops you judging a stranger for snapping at you? That makes you question the validity of their reaction? Good. You’re choosing empathy over ego…

Are you asking yourself if you really want that 14th pair of shoes? Good. You’re getting joy from the other less tangible elements of life, perhaps without even realising it. Let’s keep going. Why did you just sign up for that 5k run without thinking about it? Well, you signed up BECAUSE you didn’t think about it. Bet you have a history of talking yourself out of things, eh? Procrastination? Paralysis by analysis? Well done. Those spontaneous acts will catapult your fear into orbit. It’ll burn up as it re-enters the atmosphere, and crash back into you, igniting a fire in your belly. Now there’s a fire in your belly!

So, what will you do next?